Saturday, June 23, 2012

Evil Dark 1 - Justin Gustainis

"The city is Scranton. The name is Markowski. I carry a badge. The monsters from your nightmares are real, all of them. If you live in my town, protecting you from them – and vice versa – is my job. That’s pretty much all you need to know about who I am and what I do. There are a few things in this life that I really hate, and two of them are fairies and heights. Fairies piss me off because they act so goddamn superior. Just because they can fly, and they’re all so fucking beautiful – males and females, both – and they can shift at will from Earth to Fairyland and back again, it makes them all think they’re hot shit. The default setting on the average fairy’s face is a smirk, and in more than one case I’ve been tempted to wipe it off – with my fist. As for heights – I need to explain something about that. It’s not altitude all by itself that scares me – it’s only something that I might fall from and get killed that gives me the willies. A few years back, I was in New York for a supe cop conference, and I used my free time to do some touristy stuff. So after the boat tour around the Statue of Liberty, I went to the Empire State Building and took the elevator up to the observation deck on floor one-oh-two. You get a great view of the city, and I thought it was spectacular. Of course, the deck has a waist-high wall around it, and that’s topped by a large gauge metal fence, and there’s barbed wire on top of that – if you want to fall off that thing, you’re gonna have to work at it. I wasn’t nervous at all. On the other hand, if you put me in one of those flimsy platforms the window washers use when they clean the building, I’d probably shit myself. I don’t care if those guys think it’s safe and do it every fucking day – I want something more between me and oblivion than a big plank of wood, some scaffolding, and a couple of cables. I haven’t got agrophobia, or whatever they call it – I’m just not interested in doing any experiments with the force of gravity from half a mile in the air. So, with all that, how is it I found myself on a two-foot-wide ledge that fronts the Bank Tower Building, twelve stories up from street level, trying to talk a fairy out of taking the Big Dive? The answer to that is kinda complicated." 4 out of 5